A recent Channel NewsAsia commentary, From PSLE to piano lessons, are parents creating a new arms race? caught my attention. It highlighted a worrying trend: the proportion of Singapore parents who feel stressed about their children's education has risen from 73.1% in 2016 to 87.9% in 2026.
What struck me was how parents sometimes unintentionally transfer that anxiety to their children. The commentary described parents taking extended leave to prepare their children for PSLE, and children feeling the weight of their parents' sacrifices and expectations. What begins as an act of love can sometimes become an additional burden for a child already trying their best.
It reminded me of something I have long believed: sometimes, the greatest pressure children face does not come from school or examinations, but quietly and often unintentionally, from the very people who love them most, their parents.
The Pressure We May Not Realise We Are Creating
As parents, we rarely intend to place unnecessary pressure on our children. Most of what we do comes from love and concern. Yet children often notice more than what we say.
They notice our expressions when examination results are released, our disappointment when marks fall short, and our anxiety as important examinations approach. Even when we tell them that results are not everything, our reactions may send a different message.
Sometimes, our actions speak louder than our words.
A parent taking leave to supervise revision may see it as an act of support. A child, however, might interpret that same sacrifice as an expectation that they must do well. Neither intention is wrong, but the difference in perception matters.
Perhaps we should ask ourselves not only what we are doing for our children, but also how our children might be feeling about what we do.
When Support Builds Confidence
I remember going through the A-Level preparations with my own children. They worked hard, but their school examination results did not always reflect the effort they had invested. I could see their disappointment, and I knew they were already putting considerable pressure on themselves.
Rather than dwelling on their results, I encouraged them to treat each examination as a milestone, an opportunity to identify areas for improvement before the final examination. What mattered to me was their willingness to keep trying.
I also tried to make my support practical rather than intrusive. I remember driving my daughter to the National Library, sometimes early in the morning and again late at night, so she could study in an environment she found conducive. She took responsibility for her preparation, while I helped in whatever way I could.
I am grateful that my children eventually pursued the university courses they had hoped for. But what I remember most was their perseverance through the difficult moments.
Looking back, I believe there is a difference between being involved in our children's education and making them feel responsible for our expectations. The challenge for us as parents is learning how to offer support without unintentionally adding to their burden.
Knowing When to Let Children Rest
In the days leading up to an examination, I would sometimes encourage my children to put their books aside, watch television and get sufficient rest.
I believed that if they had prepared consistently, there was little to gain from last-minute panic. More importantly, I wanted my actions to show that I trusted their preparation. If I remained calm, perhaps they could approach the examination with greater confidence too.
Of course, preparation and discipline remain important. But so is knowing when to trust our children and give them space.
What Our Children Really Need
Our role as parents is not to remove every difficulty or guarantee excellent results. It is to help our children develop resilience, responsibility and confidence in themselves.
They should know that we recognise their effort, that setbacks are part of learning, and that our support does not depend on the marks they bring home.
Perhaps the question we should ask ourselves is not simply whether we are doing enough for our children, but whether our actions are giving them confidence or adding to their worries.
After all, children do not only listen to what we say. They also learn from how we react, how we behave and how much trust we place in them.